My lil Brian begs me to take him to the shop near by. I thought he was excited about getting some candy. But, he takes me to the stationary store to get a toy of some sort. I was looking around while he chooses the best color for his toy. I wandered off.. and my eyes fell on the love prisoner…

This little soul.. was lifted up by a tiny red heart at his feet… Sadness filled his face… and hands were joined by chains… A bell weighed down his left feet… He was attach in every way possible… made of little threads rolled up together… even to a paper describing what he is… I bought him… ripped out the paper because it didn’t make sense…. it wasn’t what he felt either… he was thankful… and then whispered to me what he wanted to it to say…..

I have been a prisoner of love… not a person… not another soul… just the idea of love… just that sensation…. that passion… that movement… the sweet air… the close embrace… the heart felt kisses… the butterflies above my head… the bubble thoughts as I walked down the crowded streets… the beauty of life when it was so near…. Love became my life… my obsession… I became its prisoner, the first time I fell in love.. the second.. the third… the seventh… the eleventh….. and every time was more special than ever… every time it was memorable more than ever…. every time… it was…. it was love….. it was a prison… it was my own sweet prison…. The sadness on my face isn’t so… it is content in being a prisoner of Love rather than anything else… Isn’t that just awesome?

I looked up your pictures.. and forced myself to sit there and look at each and everyone.. disgusted at the sight… disgusted at the thought that I have been there.. But picture after picture.. after picture… forced me to understand.. that little something I missed…

I printed on a memory of you that I have never had before… Its in me now.. and will never leave… the mystery is gone.. the misery is exiting…

the humiliation… the stepped-on pride… the lack of understanding.. the insensitivity… the cruelty… have made their way.. in and out…. and back….

there isn’t much to say about this.. but oh well… we’ll see what happens next…

For whatever its worth… it was a life well lived… it was a moment never regretted… it was a night I did indeed enjoy… with you… or with out…

Another one for the records…. another one added to the list.. whatever that list is..

So while I’m turning in my sheets

And once again, I cannot sleep

Walk out the door and up the street

Look at the stars beneath my feet

Remember rights that I did wrong

So here I go

 

Hello, hello

 

There is no place I cannot go

My mind is muddy but

My heart is heavy, does it show

I lose the track that loses me

So here I go

Oo oooooo ooo ooo oo oooo…

 

And so I sent some men to fight,

And one came back at dead of night,

Said “Have you seen my enemy?”

Said “he looked just like me”

So I set out to cut myself

And here I go

Oo oooooo ooo ooo oo oooo…

 

I’m not calling for a second chance,

I’m screaming at the top of my voice,

Give me reason, but don’t give me choice,

Cos I’ll just make the same mistake again,

Oo oooooo ooo ooo oo oooo…

 

And maybe someday we will meet

And maybe talk and not just speak

Don’t buy the promises ’cause

There are no promises I keep,

And my reflection troubles me

So here I go

Oo oooooo ooo ooo oo oooo…

 

I’m not calling for a second chance,

I’m screaming at the top of my voice,

Give me reason, but don’t give me choice,

Cos I’ll just make the same mistake (REPEAT) again

Oo oooooo ooo ooo oo oooo…

 

So while I’m turning in my sheets

And once again, I cannot sleep

Walk out the door and up the street

Look at the stars

Look at the stars, falling down,

And I wonder where, did I go wrong.

-James Blunt

hmmm… well let me see… right now you don’t want to be talking to me… you dont want to be worrying about any of it at all… because at any minute now I can tell you exactly what kind of person you have turned out to be… the same person I thought you were the minute I met you… do you remember? do you remember that first conversation we had… I told you what I think of your kind… your male egos… your male dick heads… that didn’t trust nor wanted to ever! You insisted that you are not all the same.. that my misconception come from false, fake encounters that I should not impose on to judging you… like an ignorant brat that isn’t willing to change her ways…. and I told you: “no one deserved me”…… and to me.. at this moment… i truly believe that… because your kind can not comprehend any ideas beyond the dicks you hold around that you dont know what to do with….. and whatever it has desired… but let me add… not all men are like you…. the problem i have is with boys like you… the sneaky ones…. the ones that start off as a “friend”… “Oh pour out ur heart to me?”… “tell me how you feel?”…. “Come on why don’t you trust me? we’re friends aren’t we?” looking into my eyes… telling me things that would make any girls heart melt slowly…. in an unromantically direct words…. over and over….

Making a girl feel special… a “special friend” then inserting the fact that you have a girlfriend to insure her that “I dont care… but I want us to be close friends… I want to make time to hang out… I want to get to know you more… I will let your friends know little hints about how I’m attracted to you… yet I will only joke around with you about it… make you believe that others believe it… and its not all coming from me… I will make you feel like I understand you… I understand you pain… that you need me… and I need you… and you are beautiful to me… no matter what others see… I see something different and it brings me close to you…. until.. until…. you are in my bed… lying beside me… wrapped around in my sheets… sleeping on my shoulder… I held you… and then… sheeshed you to leave… and act like I dont want you… and tell you that I never promised you anything… or told you anything directly….. what made you thing that????

So, I ‘ve been down that road before.. and I’ve been down another road with a guy who was sincere about his feeling from the beginning and as deep as the relationship went.. it had never upset me.. he kept his word… he kept his friendship.. he never hid any truth.. never promised anything he couldn’t keep… and I didn’t either… I appreciate him… I hold him up to be one of the best ones out there… with his promiscuous ways… still never faked his intent…. even with what he’d troubled me with for weeks… I was never angry when I found out it was him indeed… I have not regretted a minute with him…. but with you… I regret the texts the phone calls… the meetings… the words… the jokes.. the hugs… the everything that came with you from the minute I saw you…. i should have followed my instinct… i knew you were trouble…  you were never worth my while…

That been said.. I must remember… always.. that it was never your fault… that no one is to blame for any of my miserable actions… but myself… because I have gone out again… and did the same mistake … all over again… with you… unfortunately…

He was drunk. He had just met a number of beautiful women. He had a connection thought a conversation with those blue eyes that finished his sentences, whose sentences he’d finished. A smile that blew him away. As he walked home he found himself having a conversations with another woman that just wasn’t it.  The written words that were sent through the waves that traveled through the sweet air, left him awake for hours. He stared up on the ceiling trying to make sense of what was happening. He looked out his window to see if the lights that filled the street every night were let out as the sun started to rise up in the heavenly skies. He wrote them, not knowing what they would make her do. “Why am I trying to comfort her tortured soul? Why do I care? Why did I say that? What did I do?” he asked himself. He lay there on his soft bed that seemed to swallow him deeply into the ground. Exactly where he wanted to be. Afraid to see her again tomorrow and have to face the reaction that his words have stirred up in her head. If only he knew.

She was drunk. Her head was spinning with thoughts that made her wonder how people can just be. She remembered the way he touched her. The way he looked into her eyes tonight. The way he disapproved of her affections. She knew that he was nothing but the simple game that has become so complicated. Something she hasn’t got a clue how to play. Where she starved to hear his heart pound, and touch his hair as he sleeps. How nothing meant anything more than just a mere attraction that may not exist tomorrow. If only he knew that as sweet as his words were, and as much as they made her smile and sleep comfortably; they didn’t make her stay up looking for the moon or the stars. Those words were understood to have been sent along with its hidden impure intentions, that only made her dream of rainbows and butterflies. 

So, when they meet again, they may or may not say hello. They may or may not look into each others eyes. They may or may not breath in the same rythmes. Two people that just cannot be. Two people that have refused to be. Two people that will never be.  She may find someone else who’s words are more intriguing. He may find another who’s knows how to play his game.

This town is colder now, I think it’s sick of us
It’s time to make our move, I’m shakin off the rust
I’ve got my heart set on anywhere but here
I’m staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel…
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal… for the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I’m moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I’ve become what I can’t be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you’re ‘here’ not there
And you’d give anything to get what’s fair
But fair ain’t what you really need
Oh, can u see what I see

They’re tryin to come back, all my senses push
Un-tie the weight bags, I never thought I could…
Steady feet, don’t fail me now
Gonna run till you can’t walk
But something pulls my focus out
And I’m standing down…

Stop and stare
I think I’m moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I’ve become what I can’t be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you’re here not there
And you’d give anything to get what’s fair
But fair ain’t what you really need
Oh, you don’t need

What u need, what u need…

Stop and stare
I think I’m moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I’ve become what I can’t be
Oh, do u see what I see… 

-OneRepublic